It was a hot summer afternoon and I was reading the Kansas City Star when an article grabbed my attention. I laid it aside to read later, thinking it might have value for Women's Ministries since the article addressed apologizing.
In complete honesty, apologizing doesn't rate very high on my list of favorite things. Yet, I do and say things that require an apology. Knowing how to apologize without sounding as if I'm justifying my actions or placating the other person often presents challenges. That's where this article offered new insights.
The author, Rosamund Stone Zander, identifies two types of apologizes: Admitting wrong, the other person gets revenge, and justice is served. In the second type a person notices that something is broken and finds a way to make it whole again. It's the second type that opens new possibilities.
In this apology, the apologizer recognizes the importance of the relationship and makes changes that restore it. For example, a conflict with a ministry worker might be resolved by acknowledging common objectives such as ministry to others. With a directional shift, the focus moves to shared interests. It makes “keeping the main thing, the main thing” easier.
Here are some suggestions to restore harmony:
• Think of any breakdown between you and another person as an opportunity to apologize. You know there is a breakdown when you feel angry, tense, disapproving, distant, sad, or vengeful toward someone.
• Notice the way you are feeling and behaving in maintaining the problem.
• Apologize for letting anything other than the relationship take priority.
Editor's note: Adapted from “The Power of an Apology,” Kansas City Star, Parade Magazine, July 29, 2001, pages 8-9.