Some predictions say that some women will spend more time on the “daughter track” caring for elderly relatives than they will on the “mommy track” parenting their children. This could strike terror in the hearts of some. Reality indicates that the elderly are living longer, so much so, that new stages of development have been identified:

Birth

Early childhood – birth to 4 years

Childhood – 5 to 10 years

Preadolescence – 11 to 12 years

Adolescence – 13 to 17 years

Emerging adults – 18 to 30 years

Young adults – 31 to 50 years

Middle adults – 51 to 70 years

Senior adults – 71 to 80 years

Elderly adults – 81 + years

Death

Perhaps some of the most dreaded diseases are dementia and Alzheimer's. Individuals with these diseases appear “normal” yet their ability to function and care for themselves disappears. Here are suggestions that may help as individuals provide care.

•  Treat the person like a grown-up. Experts recommend using care and respect when talking with these individuals.

•  Invite recollections of the past. Often people with these diseases remember events from long ago better than more recent one. Look through old photo albums and learn some family history.

•  Encourage hands-on activities. While still able, involve them in household chores such as making sandwiches, weeding, or setting the table. We all need to feel we are contributing members of the household.

•  Get moving. Physical activity improves sleep and rocking soothes. Rocking chairs serve as another form of physical exercise.

•  Play music. Even persons who have lost the ability to speak or read enjoying listening to music.

•  Provide structure. Patients are easily disoriented so keep their environment and routines as stable and familiar as possible.

•  Stay calm. Easier said than done. However, it is important for the caregivers to maintain their cool. Use soothing tones, maintain eye contact, and offer repeated assurances with gentle touches.

•  Play it safe. Lock doors and childproof gates and use door alarms as needed.

•  Don't take it personally. Patients will be belligerent or abusive on occasions. Don't argue or contradict, rather change the subject, defuse the situation with humor, and distract rather than react.

•  Keep talking. Even when the patient can no longer fully comprehend, the sound of your voice is comforting. Read aloud from a book or a magazine when topics are depleted.

•  Take care of yourself. Eat right, get plenty of rest, and be aware that your feelings of anger, guilt, inadequacy, and grief are normal.

•  Reach out for help. Contact the Alzheimer's Association at 1-800-272-3900 or www.alz.org; The Alzheimer's Disease Education and Referral Center at 1-800-438-4380; the Family Caregiver Alliance at 1-415-434-3388 or www.caregiver.org.

Women's Ministries may become the contact point in the local congregation to assist with respite care. It may be possible to develop a list of persons willing to sit with the patient providing the caregiver with some time to relax, renew, or sleep—without responsibility. We exercise of the Body of Christ when we serve others—even if it reading a book to an elderly person who suffers from dementia or Alzheimer's.

Editor's note: Based on articles in Good Housekeeping, July 2000 and Guidepost, July 2000.