Sometimes God surprises us in our well-ordered lives. Sometimes in the midst of our busyness, He jumps in and says, "Look, I'm going to do a new thing!" It we are smart, we cast aside our fear and doubt and say, "Count me in!"

In my early 30s, prompted by evangelist Stephen Manley, I began to think differently about God. It wasn't that my old thinking was wrong, but that it was small and narrow. In my quest to understand God in broader ways, I was drawn to Scripture. I read the Bible with commentaries I could barely decipher, and my excitement started to grow. New knowledge and understanding bubbled inside me until I thought I would burst. When I was asked to teach an adult Sunday School class, the timing was so perfect that I didn't even hesitate.

About a year later, sitting in church, minding my own business, God spoke to me about preaching. It was a very emotional experience, and I wondered what people were thinking as tears rolled down my face, a response totally out of context with what the pastor, my husband, was preaching. At home, I shared with him what happened, and we decided to watch and wait to be sure this really was a call from God.

As I continued to read Scripture, new things popped out at me about proclaiming God's word and comforting God's people. Stories about women preachers caused a deep, emotional response that startled me. Family and friends in whom I was brave enough to confide surprised me by not laughing. It was not long before I was convinced I truly had heard God's voice calling me to preach.

At a district assembly, General Superintendent Raymond Hurn asked those who had new calls to ministry to come forward for prayer. My heart began pounding, and tears began flowing. Do I dare make this call public? Am I ready to open myself to the questions I anticipate? My husband, uncharacteristically emotional, nodded tearful encouragement. A friend, a retried preacher herself, gave me a "you go, girl!" Like leaping off the high dive, I moved toward the front, knowing that this public declaration was a huge step of faith and the right thing to do. That step began a journey that has taken me to graduate studies, ordination, teaching, chaplainry, and a pastoral staff position at my local church.

A colleague recently preached about the people of Israel as they approached Canaan. The story's parallels to obedience to a midlife call are interesting. In Numbers 13, the Hebrew children faced the decision to enter the Promised Land, but fear deterred their obedience. Obedience to a midlife call can be scary too. To set aside our heard'earned security and move into something we can accomplish only through God's grace takes great faith. Hard questions come. What will it do to my finances? How will it affect my relationships? Where will I go? What should I do?

The Hebrew spies saw themselves as grasshoppers compared to the "giants" in the land. Similarly, self-perception can hinder obedience in midlife. Me, a preacher? Are you kidding! This is where trust comes in, and we say, "God, I don't understand why in the world You want me in this role, but I trust You and am committed to being obedient." When we start to think of what others will think, we can be paralyzed. Will they think I'm having a midlife crisis? Will they think I'm bored with the same old thing? Will they think I just need some attention? May God help us move beyond our own perceptions and the analyses of friends to simple obedience.

Fear led the people of Israel to outright rebellion. They were ready to choose a new leader and go back to Egypt (numbers 14:$). Rebellion can happen at any point in our response to a midlife call. Many count the coast and find it too difficult. They forget that God does not calculate as the world does. The efficacy of God's plans can best be seen with eyes of faith. Others make a feeble response and then rebel when their expectations are not met. Total abandonment to the call is required. When things have gotten uncomfortable for me as I moved into new areas of God's leading, I have wistfully thought about how simple life used to be. Playing with the possibility of returning to that simplicity has made me realize that going back would be outright rebellion. So despite living on the edge of my comfort zone, I am at peace because this is where God has called me.

The Hebrew children had second thoughts about their disobedience (Numbers 14:40-42), but they had missed their chance for God's best. "Today if you hear [God's} voice, do not harden your heart" (Psalm 95:7-8). Do not be afraid; trust God. Do not base your response on your self-perceptions or the analyses of others; trust God. Do not turn away from the call when things get uncomfortable; trust God. Do not miss the chance of a lifetime for an exciting journey of faith.

Trust God.

This article first appeared the Holiness Today, June 1999 .